Taige Crenshaw -…increasing the sizzle factor

I’m very excited today. It’s my birthday. I took this last week off and this weekend I am relaxing with my family. So there was no blogs, or group posts and little internet (hey I can’t do without no internet). I’ll be around but very little. I will be partying for my birthday. Yep my birthday. Yipppeee…

For my b-day I decided to buy some books, movies and music. These are three of the things I enjoy doing. Reading, watching movies and/or listening to music. I sometimes do all three together. I am off to start my b-day. Will be having a relaxing day with family. Plan to chill out. Have so much wonderful books to choose from to read and new music to hear. Ahhh… I love my b-day.

I just heard that Leslie Esdaile, (“L.A. Banks”) has passed. I’m so heartbroken by this.

I’ve know Leslie as a reader I’ve loved her books from contemporary to now where she writes as LA Banks and has lots of wonderful series. I’ve also had the privilege of meeting Leslie a few years ago at RT Convention. Since then I consider her a friend and family. We had lunch together where she listened as I spoke of my books and she urged me to submit to more publishers and even gave me a contact. This year’s RT Convention she gave me two cover quotes for my upcoming releases. Both books are now out.  She is an awesome, warm and giving woman. I am saddened she is gone.

RIP Leslie. You will be very much missed. Please send your thoughts and prayers to her family.

I was talking with someone recently and she mentioned something that disturbed me. Basically it was all about being you. She was putting on a façade to those around her. She mentioned she could only be her with a few people and I was one of them. Since I couldn’t understand how one could not be themselves it led to a long discussion. It was really eye opening and mouth dropping. I guess I am naïve when it comes to something. But the one thing I can be very experienced about is who I am.

As I listened to her I was tired just hearing how she acted around different people. All I could think was – it was too much effort to put on a front to different people why don’t you just be you. I didn’t tell her this because she wasn’t a friend of mine. If she was I would have given her a reality check. Anyway when I left her I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation. It made me sad that she felt she had to act a certain way to supposedly fit into certain circumstances or put on another persona to make other see her a certain way. She was basically being fake.

Being disturbed by the conversation I discussed it with a close friend. My friend was as baffled as I was. When I asked her why she thought I didn’t get it she was her usual blunt self saying “I just don’t give a f— what others think of me. You on the other hand are too blunt like me and just enjoying being you. You are honest to a fault. Not to mention nice which those who don’t know you take as being weak or easily walked over. Boy, are they wrong. You might be nice but you don’t put on airs or take shit from anyone. It boils down to being genuine and real. And that’s what we have.” When she said that I knew she was right. Of course I had to tease her for making me blush with saying I’m nice and all that crap. I’m mean I tell ya. Mean and don’t let anyone tell you different. LOL.

Yes my friend was right I just couldn’t get it because it was so far out of the realm of what I did for myself or with people who are my friends. When I call someone friend I mean it. When I say I like or hate something I mean it. When I talk with you what I say is what I want to not a false front to make you feel a certain way about me. Again it made me sad that someone had to put on an act. All I still wonder is why. There is nothing more awesome than being who you are. Being the same with everyone. No I’m not talking about talking the same with everyone but being the core of being you.

If the person you are dealing with doesn’t like it. Tough. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will understand you. Not everyone will want to be your friend. And that is ok. When it comes down to it all that matter is what is inside of you. Don’t let anyone change who you are or change to suit what other perceive. There is nothing better than just being you.

The other day I took stock of some things. As I evaluated what has been happening in my life lately I got to that certain place. The place where I feel a sense of relief, accomplishment, and all around happy. This has been a really rough year for me. Had things happen this year that I wasn’t sure I would make it through. Now a few months later I am taking time to appreciate what happened and be thankful that I am here. I not only survived my belief once again has been proven. The way you are with others will shape what happens to you. Negativity or plain ugliness is such an unnecessary thing. No, I’m not saying you should be Pollyanna all the time. Just be an good person. A positive one as much as you can. Yes shit happens and life sometimes sucks but at least you are living. So live instead of trying to break others down. Build them up.

I have some really good friends and family who are there for me. Who stood by me when I needed it. Who gave me the support I needed. They built me up when my foundation was weakened. And I love each of them for it. There just being there was meant more than anything in the world. I am thankful for them all the time. I show them that I am and they do the same. Although they like to tell me I like to give instead of receive. This is something I work on. The ability to accept from others what I give. Support when needed. An ear to listen. Or a simple hand to hold.

These are all very basic things. An act of human kindness. In my case it is due to all the people in my life that I am here in that certain place. A certain place that lets me know life no matter the bumps in the road is there for all to enjoy.

I’ve always been a desktop computer person. I’ve had friends who swore by the laptop but not me. I loved my desktop. Well… until recently. I’m a cheater. A serial cheater. (sob) I’ve been stepping out on my desktop. I’ve done it briefly before but never like this. You see I have this problem. I love gadgets. I get all tingly when I see something new and shiny. Now sit back I have to tell you the whole sordid story.

Early last year when I was going to be away from home I decided to get a new laptop. The one I had before had to be replaced (or this is what I convinced myself of). Since I’ve had a laptop before I knew it would be a brief affair. And when I got back to my own house my desktop and I would be back together. After all our love affair was strong. Right. Well I was so wrong.

I saw the new shinny laptop I wanted and bought it. When I first booted it up my heart raced, palms and other places got wet. Did I mention I love gadgets? (Sigh) It’s one of a few addictions that plagues me. One I don’t ever want to get rid of. But I digress and need to get this out.

The laptop was so new and so sleek. I reveled in using it but… this is the part where I admit my shame and cheating ways. So bear with me. When I got home I didn’t even look at my desktop I continued using the laptop. I ignored the desktop. My love… my beautiful desktop. The one who had my heart…until now. As last year progressed I was steadily using the laptop and leaving my desktop untouched. The desktop would sit lonely for months as I happily used the laptop.

Well after some soul searching on January 1st I’ve told my desktop that it is no longer number 1 in my heart. It is relegated to my mistress (one I have kicked to the curb). It was a hard break to make but I had to. My new number 1 and partner my laptop and I are very happy.

My new number 1 asked me to promise that I won’t cheat on them but I could not. After all I’m a gadget junkie and may see something new and shinny. It may sway my affections. Which will lead me to another good reason to cheat. (grin)

After the personal turmoil of last year I’ve been trying to get back into my life. Get the feel of what I was and who I used to be. However I realized that I have changed. Some of the changes are subtle but I noticed a difference. Others are more obvious and even others have taken note. Thankfully in my opinion and those who noticed the changes are for the better.

With these changes I had to reevaluate what I was used to and work to get to a new place. As I did this I found out something about myself. The change has revitalized my passion for things that I hadn’t realized that I had stopped taking time for. One for instance is my love of movies. I used to eagerly look forward to certain movies coming out. But in the last little bit I would make noises of wanting to see it but not actually do it. Now I am not saying it alone. Now I am doing it to.

As for other changes. I have sat and evaluated my writing and the way I do things. As I’ve mentioned as few times before I love organization and knowing what I will be working on next. I’ve streamlined some things I do in my writing and it has freed up some time for me to get more writing done. Ah… more writing means more books. More worlds to explore and build. More characters to bring to everyone. I’m loving this new norm.

I was watching some movies the other day. They all had the common theme of facing that insurmountable problem. The one that you feel you have no way of overcoming. In one it was about a woman having an accident and ending up in a wheelchair. She refused to believe she was going to walk again despite people telling her different. Then she lost hope but her refusal to say quit came back to her and she kept at it. At it and at it until she made her goal. The insurmountable problem was conquered and kicked on it’s butt.

I’ve faced that insurmountable problem often. This is why the movie moved me so much. There has been some in my daily life that made me question why. I had to work my way through the problem. Find solutions and do all I needed to get to where I needed to be. Like the woman I kicked it’s butt and kept on going. It made me stronger than yesterday.

Now as for my writing and career. I’ve had the some insurmountable problems too. After having written so many books I still get that feeling in my stomach when I open the black page to start the story. That feeling of excitement and slight sickness. Will I be able to conquer that insurmountable problem of starting the story and I can’t wait to start? The two feeling combat each other. The fear and excitement. When I start it will I be able to finish it? After it is finished will it be any good? Will I get that contract? Will any readers buy it? If they do will they enjoy it or get it? These and many more questions fill me from blank page to completion and eventually publication. They are all a seemingly insurmountable problem.

In actuality they are not. They are what you make it. Just like everything in life. You are only limited by you. What you want to do. Your expectations and what you do to get them. Yes I do still get that feeling each time I open a document to write but I no longer see it as a seemingly insurmountable problem. I see it as a challenge that I will conquer and come out stronger than yesterday.

No matter what happens in life each seemingly insurmountable problem is nothing as long as you realize – everything can be handled one step at a time and with some belief that you will get where you need to be.